Love.

Being in love with someone and having a relationship with them are two separate things. People always have this perception that love means having a relationship, or that being in a relationship is love. But after a long while, you gather that they are two separate things.

Why do people who are in love end their relationship? It's not because love is lost. It is because love wasn't reassured. It wasn't instilled, it was no longer emphasised that they were in love. We are all human. After a long while, you tend to take people for granted. You take actions for granted, you take words for granted, and you take love for granted.

You stop trying to be a better person because you take for granted the fact that your partner will always be there, and that they already love you for who you are. You stop giving gifts and complimenting each other because it's a " been there, done that " situation. You stop listening to each other, stop trying to explain how you really feel and stop talking things out, because you expect the other person to know you well enough.

People don't fall out of love. That's never the case. They grow tired of it. They grow tired of always having to guess what their partner wants, they grow tired of always having to give in. They grow tired that their love was never reassured after the long run, mainly because their partners are tired too.

But how difficult is it for you to take a minute a day to say something that makes your partner feel loved? How difficult is it to compliment them, or to ask how their day was and sincerely mean it? How difficult is it to text them to remind them that they are constantly on your mind, even through all the hustle and bustle of your daily life? How difficult is it to say " I love you " with all your heart and not say it just for the sake of saying it?

It was never difficult the first few months you started off, so why is it so difficult now? Why does it become a courtesy? Or a routine? Or a chore even, just to make your partner feel loved? Days go by, but does that mean that your love for them gets lesser? Does it mean that every time you say it, it becomes less important? It is a point that people are throwing around words like they are meaningless,  but that doesn't mean that if you meant it sincerely, you wouldn't have to say it.

Why do you always second guess your partner? Why do you always expect them to know what is going on in your head? Why do you always think that they never understand you? How about you try to understand them? Why do you always think that your perspective triumphs over theirs? Why do you think that their side of the story isn't as good as yours? That isn't love. That's selfishness. That's taking for granted the fact that your partner has been giving in to you all this while. And they may very well expect you to give back, but that never really seems to happen now does it?

Love isn't about just loving someone or being there for them. It's the little things. The little things that they say that just seem to make your day. Or the little things they do that you just can't help but smile at. It's the laughter, the fun, the never-ending smile plastered on your face whenever you are with them. It's the things you can't help but notice that is just silly about them, and the funny habits that you notice they have.

Love is growing with someone. Not just growing into them as one, but growing with them. Growing up, growing to each other, learning, exploring, knowing each other like the back of your hands. Can you tell who they are from far away, just by the way they walk? Can you tell where they are just by the sound of their voice? Can you look at something and tell yourself " If my partner was here, he'd/she'd (do something stupid/funny).. "? Can you remember their quirky habits? Or have you even grown to follow them? Have you realised that you suddenly sound like them? Or that you've started using words that they'd usually use?

But it isn't entirely the happy things in life that makes a relationship stronger. It's the ability to overcome something, a bad experience, an argument, a fight that really makes it all. You love them, yes. But when you fight or when you argue with them, how do you feel about that? Do you feel angry when they say something, or do you feel sad? Does your heart break and you just want to stop, or do you just want to fight back and win, to prove you're right? Are you comfortable enough to express your feelings? Do you trust them enough to see you at your weakest?

How about after the fight? Do you feel like you just want to get away from them and gather your thoughts? Or do you feel like you need them, right there beside you, even in silence? Do you feel like you're angry because you've lost? Or victorious because you've won? Do you feel like you need them to embrace you, and to tell you that after all this while, everything is going to be okay?

There are no right or wrong answers to the questions I've posted. But it's definitely the kind of questions you should ask yourself to know exactly where you stand in a relationship. But in the end, you are lucky enough to have a life with someone. Why not make it count? 

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